Care packages have been part of college life since the first freshman started feeling homesick or got lost on his way to class. But while you're packing up home-baked cookies and clean socks to send to your kid at college, give some thought to what you need to feel happy and secure in your newly empty nest — without losing that special connection to your child. Here are a few ideas to help get you started.
Smartphones are cell phones which will enable you both to text (type a message on the built-in keyboard and send it instantly), write email, share photos or call from almost anywhere. Here are two words of advice about texting: Learn it. It's a fast way to communicate and kids love it. You're more likely to get frequent text messages than frequent phone calls (even from class, when they should be paying attention) so make it easy to communicate by investing in smartphones and learning how to text.
Do your phones have built-in cameras? Encourage your college student to email photos — of friends, the dorm room, campus scenery, whatever — that give you a glimpse of their college experience. It's a great way to share in your student's day-to-day activities and feel connected without seeming intrusive. And you'll both have college memories to treasure years after graduation.
Skype is a communication application (you can download the latest version free from the Skype Web site) that allows members to call each other via computer for free, or to call land lines or cell phones for pennies per minute. There's no charge to join, but if you call a land line or cell number you'll need to establish a Skype account in advance to pay for the calls. If your child is at a college out of state or in another country, you're probably already paying a fortune for tuition, so why not save a little money on your phone bill and make it easy for your kid to call home?
Webcams allow you and your college student to see each other when you communicate via the Internet. Webcams are included in most new laptops, or can be purchased online or from a computer store. Prices vary, so check reviews and shop for quality as well as cost. Webcams are surprisingly easy to use, and give conversations an intimacy you won't get from a standard telephone call.
A list of emergency numbers in case something happens and you can't reach your kid. At minimum, this list should include college administrators, advisors and medical personnel, the resident advisor of your student's dorm, sorority or fraternity house, and the local police department. It's also a good idea to have names and contact information for your child's new best friends at college (this may be hard to get as it may be perceived as "checking up," but your kid will probably give up the info if you promise never to use it for anything other than an absolutely dire emergency.)
Your child's class schedule each quarter or semester. Your excuse could be something like, "So I won't bother you when you're especially busy," or "I don't want to call when you're in class." You don't have to say that sometimes you miss your child so much it hurts, and it's nice to visualize him or her walking to class, eating lunch, or studying at the library.
A learning experience. As your child attends college to prepare for a degree and a career, make learning a family affair. Are there classes you could take to earn a certificate or degree that would enhance your career? Have you always wanted to learn a foreign language? Work a potter's wheel? Take a cooking class? Join a book discussion group? Share some of your child's sense of learning and accomplishment by taking yourself back to school. To jumpstart your imagination, check out the adult education classes at your local community college. When your student comes home for the holidays, you can each share what you've learned.
Time with friends. Sending a child to college is a big transition for the child, but it's also a transition for you. Your child is growing up and won't need you in quite the same way, and that can be a difficult adjustment for parents. If the empty-nest syndrome has you feeling sad and a bit lonely, now's the time to reach out and connect (or reconnect) with your friends. Schedule monthly pot-luck dinners or weekly dates for coffee or card games. Want to meet new people? Join a coed softball league, community organization, biking group or gardening club. Volunteering is a great way to connect with people, serve your community, and put your suddenly underused nurturing energy to good use.
Time for yourself. Now that you're not doing your child's laundry, carpooling to sporting events or helping with homework, why not fill that extra time by planning weekly (or even daily) treats for yourself? Massages, mani/pedis, bubble baths, yoga classes, naps, a quiet walk, a romantic movie, 30 minutes on a treadmill ... use your imagination. Choose something you love and don't get to do enough of, and schedule it into your day. It's a nice way to reward yourself for the hard work of being a parent. And a special treat may help to ease the ache of missing your child.
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Sharon O'Brien is a licensed professional counselor in Portland, Oregon, and a freelance writer who specializes in relationship and lifestyle issues.
