As a parent, you'd like to think your children are going to college to get an education and secure their future — and on some level your kids would agree — but college also means a heady dose of freedom from parental supervision and childhood constraints. Frankly, many freshmen find it hard to cope with that much liberty and end up drunk on emancipation. To help both you and your college freshman prepare for this leap into independence, let's take a close look at some of the big issues that parents hate to contemplate and kids don't want to discuss:
1. How much junk food they're eating
The "freshman 15" is no myth. Once they are freed from the family table, many college freshmen start ignoring everything their parents ever taught them about good nutrition. Skipping one meal can lead to overeating at the next, while study-time snacks, high-carb comfort food and extra helpings at the dining hall all contribute to weight gain. Worse, substituting cookies, chips and fries for protein and leafy greens can make students lethargic and inattentive. Encourage your freshman to eat a healthy breakfast, keep portions small, and maintain a balanced diet. You will no longer be there to prepare their meals or pack their lunches, but you can at least send your kids off to college with information they can use to make their own smart dining choices.
2. How much drinking goes on at college
In campus surveys, a majority of college freshmen admit drinking to excess — sometimes to the point of passing out and not knowing where they are the next morning. And unfortunately, binge drinking among college students is on the rise. Experts attribute binge drinking to depression, anxiety, compulsive behavior or peer pressure.
Whatever the reason, binge drinking can lead to poor grades, property damage, health problems and shame. You can't be there to supervise, but you can speak frankly with your kids about the serious consequences of drinking, agree on some workable strategies they can use to avoid potentially dangerous situations and get home safe, and keep the lines of communication open so your freshman feels comfortable coming to you with questions or problems. And if you think your child may lack self-control, a smaller school with more supervision could be a better choice than a large "party school."
3. How much sex they are having (or want to have)
Take away parental supervision and curfews, surround the average college freshman with alcohol, drugs and willing partners, and sex is pretty much a given. It's not always smart, not always safe, and not always with someone they know. No doubt by now you've already had the safe-sex discussion, and you just have to hope they were paying attention during their Sex Ed. class in high school. Still, your kids will be tempted, and there is a good chance they'll give in. So before you drop your kids at the dorm, discuss the sex-related choices they will be asked to make in college and the extra pressure they will face. And keep talking, even if you both find it a little embarrassing.
4. How badly their grades are slipping
When your student chooses to party instead of study, grades are going to slide. Many kids will wake up in time to get things back on track before they have to mail home a transcript that sets off alarms, but this is something parents should be looking at before final grades come out. Most school administrators aren't proactive about contacting parents until there is a serious problem, and they don't always welcome inquiries from concerned parents. But you can insist that your freshman keeps you informed throughout the semester about projects, tests and papers, and you can work together to keep things on track.
5. How much they still need your approval
One of the best kept secrets among college freshmen is that they still want and need their parents' approval and support. Your kids don't want to disappoint you — that's one reason they don't want you to know some of the things they are doing once they are out from under your direct control. But don't be fooled by their protests of independence. College can be intimidating. Suddenly, the rules, structure and security of home are gone, replaced by unfamiliar surroundings, new people to impress, big decisions to make, and peer pressure to resist. The ability to make sound decisions is an important rite of passage from childhood to adulthood, but you can help to ease the way by being available and supportive. No matter how much your freshman claims independence, he or she still wants to make you proud. And to hear you say everything is OK.
More from MSN Lifestyle Site Search: For additional content on going to college, click here.
Sharon O'Brien is a licensed professional counselor in Portland, Oregon, and a freelance writer who specializes in relationship and lifestyle issues.
