Name something that will make you blissfully happy. A corner office? A house in the country? Diane Lane leaning on your doorbell? If only it were that easy. "Happiness is not nearly as simple," says Harvard psychologist Daniel Gilbert, Ph.D., author of Stumbling on Happiness. "We often mispredict our happiness, because our brains change the way we view things once they happen." Conversely, says Gilbert, events like divorce or the death of a loved one often leave us less unhappy than we'd expect. So where's the middle ground? It's all about balance, Gilbert says.
Best Life: What produces the most happiness over the long haul?
Daniel Gilbert: One of the best indicators of happiness is social relationships. We're social mammals, so we are happiest when we're in the company of other social mammals whom we like and who like us. The extent and goodness of a person's social relationships is a much better predictor of their happiness than how much money they earn.
BL: Does that mean people are often wrong about what will make them happy?
DG: The top candidates for major life disappointments are children and money—particularly the latter. The ability of money to buy happiness is directly related to how much you earn. Moving from, say, $40,000 a year to $70,000 a year will definitely make you very happy. But moving from $70,000 to $150,000 often won't. The money/happiness curve tends to get very flat very fast. People ask me, "Why not get rich anyway—it can't hurt, can it?" My answer is, yes, it can. The time you spend trying to earn money that won't make you any happier is time taken away from doing things that will increase your happiness.
BL: Why are we such bad predictors of happiness?
DG: It's impossible for us to imagine everything, so we leave some details out. Some of the things we fail to imagine are big and some are small, but all of them affect our happiness. If you base your forecast only on one little imaginary scene, your forecast is bound to be wrong.
BL: How can we become better forecasters?
DG: Evidence suggests that if we focus on how other people have felt when they've experienced a similar event—instead of using our minds to transport us mentally into a future scenario—we can improve the accuracy of our predictions. Unfortunately, studies suggest that most people don't like to do this. We believe we're unique and that other people's experiences aren't relevant. That belief is wrong. People are remarkably similar. If someone had a really good time at, say, a Montana dude ranch, the odds are you will, too.
More on Men's Lifestyle:
