Several years ago, my daughter lost a big basketball game — the final tournament game of the season, which would have put her seventh-grade team in the medals. Afterward, walking to the car, she wept openly in a way she hadn't since she was 3. She was already as tall as I am. We gimped along with my arm over her shoulder. "I suck!" she sobbed. It was excruciating to see her suffer like this. The urge to march back into the gym and do something was enormous. Some of the calls made by the ref had been lousy; I could get the bad calls overturned! I could flip open my cell and sign her up for an upcoming basketball camp! I could buy her some new sneakers. Or, I could do the hardest thing of all: hug her, listen to her, tell her I understood — but ultimately, do nothing.
What mom doesn't recognize this impulse to swoop in and make it all better? There are so many things that people forget to tell you about being a mother, and this is one of them: When our children suffer, so do we. And we suffer on a variety of levels. We remember our own bruised knees and skinned heart, and want to spare our children the same pain. And while part of us knows that sometimes, being a good mother means allowing them to fall off their bikes and to make friends with children who we suspect in our hearts will hurt them one day, the protective Mama Bear in us objects. And so we struggle within ourselves: Do we barge in and save our kids, or do we stand back and allow them to experience life's hard knocks?
Why We Rescue
It's been oft-noted that mothers today are busier and more accomplished than ever. We not only bring home the bacon, but we also comparison-shop for the best price on it, cook it up in a pan we then scrub out ourselves, and use it in a potato salad for the PTA potluck we hold in our spotless home. We're sensitive companions to our husbands, tireless cheerleaders for our children, 5 a.m. power walkers. We are determined that our kids experience lives that are interesting, fulfilling, and high in fiber.
