By Zoe Ruderman
For many Cosmo readers, those first few years out of college and/or away from their parents’ home are marked by confusion over what they’re “supposed” to do next. “It’s more stressful than ever to transition from being a student to being on your own,” says Georgia Witkin, PhD, author of The Female Stress Survival Guide.
The bad economy is a factor, but it’s also because there are so many more choices than ever before,” she adds. “The potential to do anything often translates into pressure to accomplish everything.” That leaves young women feeling overwhelmed by their prospects for money, work, and love — major freak-outs with no easy fix. So we got expert advice about how to assuage these increasingly common anxieties...and how to start making headway in three fear-inducing areas.
FUTURE FREAK-OUT 1
“I have no idea what I want to do for a living.”
In college, you know exactly what’s expected of you in every class, every semester, every major. But when that structure goes away and you have to fill your own days, your freedom can feel more like a free fall. The thing to remember to stay sane is that being unsure about your career can be to your benefit. “This is a time to explore, and you’re at a place where you have that opportunity without a lot of obligations,” says career coach Nicholas Lore, author of Now What?
You can start to narrow your focus on what you want to do by considering two things, says Lore: what you love, like criminal justice or literature (even if it’s not what you studied — that’s the joy of just starting out), and any little thing you’re good at, like writing e-mails or planning events. Then research roles in your field of interest that maximize your talents — if you like teaching but aren’t big on group settings, a career in online education could hone your skills; if you’re a techie and love being social, electronics PR could be great.
Ask your parents and friends if they know anyone you could talk to in these or similar fields. Follow up with those people to get a sense of whether the day-to-day responsibilities of different jobs in that industry might be a good fit...oh, and whether they know of any open entry-level positions.
If you can’t find something in your field, which happens in today’s economy, take a gig you enjoy that pays the bills while you keep looking — that’s not failing; that’s demonstrating a willingness to do what it takes. Plus, it keeps you active and structured, two states that make you move forward and feel productive.
It’s rare for someone’s first field to be the same one they retire from, so don’t feel like being hired is a lifetime commitment. If you hate it, consider it a networking experience, then use what you’ve learned to choose something else. Just don’t write anything off because it’s not your total dream setup — everyone does grunt work as they work their way up the ladder. “But if you enjoy even the menial tasks that come with paying your dues, it’s a good sign that you’re on the right path,” explains Lore.
FUTURE FREAK-OUT 2
“I’ll never make enough money!”
When college loans, credit-card debt, living costs, and mini-incomes mean you can’t even spring for dinner out, the prospect of someday owning a house and having a lifestyle like your parents do seems impossible. “But look, your parents didn’t suddenly have good-paying jobs and lots of money,” explains Brent Kessel, author of It’s Not About the Money.
“It takes time to amass wealth.” The worst thing you can do is bury your head in the sand. “Many women avoid taking control of money matters because they feel they don’t have enough to save for the future,” says Kessel. This can lead to living off credit, which makes things worse.
“No matter what your income is, you can start building on it. Plus, it’s empowering to know our financial situation,” he says. Suck it up and make a budget, then fill in the deficits by picking up waitressing shifts or selling things on eBay. “Everyone worries about finances, but if you’re proactive now, when the amounts seem inconsequential, you’ll accrue that wealth eventually,” says Kessel.
In the meantime, living decently on a paycheck with not nearly enough zeros is possible. “For the most part, you can have anything you want on a small salary,” says Kessel. “You just can’t have everything.” Choose where you funnel your extra cash (say, clothes or trips), and save on other stuff (by living with roommates or getting a more affordable car).
FUTURE FREAK-OUT 3
“What if I meet The One before I’m ready?”
Despite such pragmatic worries, there’s something intoxicating about having a wide-open future. So the idea of settling down can be terrifying. Many women today purposely avoid getting serious with a guy because they think it results in nesting, marrying, and losing control. Yet chicks also hear so much about how rare it is to find a quality guy that, paradoxically, they feel they must constantly be on the lookout.
But meeting guys doesn’t endanger your freedom, even if you do find The One. “Dating is an important part of being young because it gives you crucial experience and relationship skills,” says relationship expert Pepper Schwartz, PhD, author of Everything You Know About Love and Sex Is Wrong. If you try to squash your love life, not only could a great man pass you by, but once you are ready to date, it may be difficult to break the avoidance habit.
Getting serious doesn’t require ditching your other goals. When a man is really right for you, he’ll want you to achieve everything you’re capable of, even if it means slowtracking your relationship. Most guys your age aren’t exactly dying to get hitched, and if you do fall in love, your career-mindedness works for him too. So relax, have fun, and let love be the one area where you give yourself permission to have it all.
