Being happy and reaching a place of well-being is a challenge we all face, no matter how great our life and no matter how tough our obstacles are. Fundamentally, being happy is a state of mind as much as it is a state of being. With headlines proclaiming our financial institutions are near ruin, the divorce rate is at an all-time high, job loss is an always-present threat, it's hard to escape the pervasive fear that surrounds us.
Being happy starts with staying in the present, keeping out of the 'what-if' mode we can all slip into and doing everything we can to make the most of our day - minute by minute if need be.
What follows are some of the secrets I've picked up along the way to help me personally stay on track. None of them work unless I remind myself of the things that are most important in my life so I offer you this challenge; remind yourself to be grateful. Nothing in your life is so tough that there isn't one thing you wouldn't want to climb to the highest mountain top and shout - I am so grateful for my good health (if you've just been laid off) - I am so grateful for the love of my family (if you've just been given a challenging diagnosis) - I am so grateful for this new promotion (if your best friend just got fired)... so it may not be easy, but if you look for it, you'll find something to be grateful about. Before you keep reading, what is that one thing for you?
Here are 5 things to focus on:
Get back in your body and out of your head.
All the struggle and uncertainty we live with right now, puts us in our heads, in anxiety for most hours of the day. We mistreat our bodies, eat/drink poorly, and don't give ourselves a way to process emotions. We are disconnected. We are split. We don't feel anymore, or we are numb because we don't feel ourselves first. Find anything, dancing, walking, jumping, bodywork, baths, breathwork, that has you connect with your body again. Ask yourself some questions: am I breathing deeply? Am I tight/sore? Ask your body how its feeling.
Allow yourself to be human, feel every emotion fully, including the ones you do anything to avoid.
Many women are very attached to being perfect, of appearing to be control. So we don't get really sad, we don't show terror even if we're feeling it, and we find it difficult to express hurt, anger or disappointment and shame even if that emotion is present. The reality is the emotion you most resist is ruling your life. What is it for you? Once you realize the grip it has on you, it will start to release. If you are sad, give in to it and feel totally sad. If you are filled with emptiness, feel that emotion fully. It's only on the other side of those feelings that you will find the relief that's been preventing you from being happy. Pretending these emotion don't exist is not a healthy option.
Focus on you being happy and do what you really want.
This the biggest gift you can give anyone, starting with yourself, your kids, spouse, friends. How easy it is for us to focus outwardly as opposed to taking the time to focus on ourselves? We do more for others and that's almost guaranteed. This happens for a few reasons. We have forgotten what we even want, what would make us happy, and its actually much easier to help someone else than to start making changes in our own life. We think we are selfish or will feel guilty if we do things we want. Everyone suffers when you are not happy. Start with remembering the little things that make you happier. Pick 3 and do them daily.
The world needs gentleness, we must start with ourselves.
In these times of change, we all crave a kinder, more gentle world. From the guy on the subway who bumps into you and doesn't say sorry, to the scowling woman behind the counter, to your worried colleagues, everyone is in need of a little gentle TLC. Where do find gentleness? Is there a new website, gentleness.com we can get our daily dose? Start with yourself. A key to being a happier woman is to start with your inner dialogue, and really focus on what you say when you look at yourself in the mirror. Next, treat every communication gently- every email, every phone call. It takes a few more seconds to write or say something gentle. Create a safe space to land for yourself, when you come back inside and then for others when they have any interaction with you.
Be completely okay with making mistakes and not being right.
Ah the high standards we have established in every area of our lives make it almost impossible to take life easy. These incredibly high demands we set on ourselves are not so easy to live up to, and really who are they for anyway? So, here's the tricky part -- when we fail, when we try something and it didn't work first time, it feels like an attack on our identity. You're the woman that gets things done, there's no room for mistakes - but that attitude is what makes us not try something, not reach for a dream, not write that book, not try that class, not leave the bad relationship or destructive job. Make mistakes, and make them with honor. If you aren't making mistakes, you are more concerned with looking good, fitting in, and pretending then you are with learning, living and growing.
Become an example for other women. At all times, in every choice we make, we are deciding whether to be an inspiration or a warning for someone else. Be a reference point. You matter for many more people than you think. To do this, become free of your own critical self. Start with the list below. They are the biggest things that get in the way of being the happiest woman you can be.
