You love your partner's quirks and finish each other's sentences, but when it comes to discussing money, ever find yourselves in opposite corners ... with boxing gloves on? Chalk it up to bad timing. "People are getting married later on average, which means they're entering the relationship with more financial baggage than ever before," says Beth Kobliner, author of Get a Financial Life: Personal Finance in Your Twenties and Thirties. "You've racked up savings as well as debt, and developed personal spending habits that are hard to change. Throw the recession into the mix and that tension multiplies." The key is to navigate your financial hot buttons now so those issues don't derail your twosome. Here's how.
Hot Button 1: Opposite Spending Styles
When a spender and a saver get together, it's a recipe for resentment. How can you not roll your eyes when he overspends ... or when she overreacts about every dollar you blow?
Cool it: First, stop harping on her shoe shopping syndrome or his gadget-buying fixation. "There's a lot of opposing research floating around that says men spend more than women on X and women spend more than men on Y, but the bottom line is that if you have clashing views about spending, you're sitting on a volcano," says Kobliner. How do you make sure it doesn't blow? You're never going to turn a spender into a penny-pincher, but you can reach a middle ground. "Agree on a set monthly amount you can each put toward a fun purchase that the other can't veto," Kobliner says. "The spender won't feel controlled, and the saver can sock away cash for a more practical, big-picture buy down the road."
Hot Button 2: Student Loans
You love how smart your significant other is ... if only that freakin' degree didn't dump $100,000 of student loan debt in your mailbox.
Cool it: Ever heard the term, "love me, love my debt"? You've gotta acknowledge that just like you can't adore your partner's hair but hate their nose, you can't pick and choose what financial circumstances you want them to have. "You need to accept the full package — the good and bad," says Kobliner. "Part of that is saying, 'Okay, chipping away at this debt is going to take us a while, but it's just part of our lives.'" What if you feel the pinch too much right now? "Extend the life of the loan," advises Kobliner. "You'll pay a little more interest over time but it will give you both a breather in the short term, which will help your relationship."
Hot Button 3: Poor Credit Scores
If one of you has a less-than-great score (below 650), it can keep you both from getting approved for a mortgage, a car loan, and more. Grr ... talk about tarnishing your gleaming record!
Cool it: "You may know everything about your partner's exes, but it's amazing how much couples ignore each other's credit histories," says Kobliner. "Sit down and discuss your numbers without taking digs at each other." Then reassess in six months after you've made a series of on-time payments to your cards, because it takes at least that much time to see a significant spike in your score (though you'll start noticing progress in as little as three). Turn it into a game: For every 10 points your partner's score goes up, you'll reward them with a treat, whether it's breakfast-in-bed or a foot massage.
Hot Button 4: Battling Budget Priorities
When you were single, there was zero debate over how you'd save and where your hard-earned cash was going. But two paychecks + two brains = one messy power struggle.
Cool it: "Couples often fight about budgeting because they view it as a battle between 'my wants' versus 'your wants,'" says Kobliner. One of you might say you want to start a family within the next year and the other may balk, wanting to take a vacation and buy a new car. Make a list of the top five financial goals you have over the next few years; ask your partner to do the same and see which ones overlap. "The economic downturn means you can't have everything at the exact time you want it anymore, so focus on that shared priority and stick to it," Kobliner says. No one said budgeting was sexy, but excitedly ticking off the days until you can score your "team goal" — whether it's Barbados or a baby — sure is.
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