The Issue: Chores
If you're the husband: We know you miss your carefree bachelor days when the word "chore" wasn't in your vocabulary and "cleaning" meant taking a stack of pizza boxes down to the dumpster. But we'll let you in on a little secret: Her bachelorette pad wasn't always as immaculate as she may have led you to believe, nor does she like doing chores (shocker!). So cut her some slack. Pick the household tasks it won't kill you to do and tell your wife you'll be responsible for those. Think of it as a chance to get in a little extra cardio each day. (Hint: The longer you let a heap of laundry/trash/plates pile up, the scarier it is, so make it a fast, daily maintenance job). Hey, you may find that all this household stuff isn't as painful as you think. But even if it is, we have two priceless words for you: brownie points.
If you're the wife: Feel like you're saddled with the bulk of the chores, even though you have a demanding job or hectic household to run? We hear you. But before you give him the cold shoulder (or "accidentally" dye his boxers magenta), make a list of all the things your spouse takes care of that you forget about. If he keeps the lawn trimmed and the cars maintained and takes the trash out, give him credit before you start ranting about how he's never even plugged in the vacuum. Tally up all of your shared to-dos and then figure out a way — together — to get things on a more even keel.
The game-changer: Play a game called "chore wars." Deal each other cards with pictures of various chores on them. Once you have your hand, start bartering (i.e., trade the "dishes" card for the "taking out the trash" one) until you're both satisfied. Then get up and get your jobs done. The person who puts all of their completed cards down on the kitchen table first gets to choose their prize (wink, wink).
The Issue: Sex
If you're the husband: If you could sum up your first few years of marriage, would you encapsulate the experience with the line: "I was told there'd be more sex"? Careful, buddy, you're on a two-way street. We bet you aren't always in the mood when she is, and vice versa. Sit down and talk about any frustrations that have built up regarding the frequency or adventure level of your sexcapades. If you pull it off calmly and comfortably (no finger pointing!), you'll be that much closer to getting your needs met. If you can't stomach discussing it one-on-one with your wife, wait until you're dragged to a sex therapist. What's that? You'll start talking? Good, we thought so.
If you're the wife: When it comes to newlyweds and sex, there are tons of factors that are unique to every couple — how often they do it, who initiates, and how much they experiment. There's no one golden answer to getting it on, so don't fall into the trap of comparing your sex life to your married girlfriends' (the ones who brag about their sexploits may not be telling the truth anyway). The key is that both of you are satisfied. But if you feel like you've both fallen into a routine that isn't working or that one of you has unrealistic expectations between the sheets, don't dodge the bullet. Talk about it.
The game-changer: Make a sex date once a week. Pick up a sensual book like The Kama Sutra and set aside one night each week for a little game. Take turns closing your eyes, pointing to a page, and doing the frisky pose featured on that page. Don't worry about doing it perfectly — just focus on pleasure.
