Dear Miss Manners,
My parents have mentioned in the past that they would love to go on a cruise. My brother and I cannot afford to pay for this, and since I know even if we put "no gifts" on the invitations, most people will bring gifts anyway, I am wondering if it would be impolite to set up a gift certificate with a cruise line, so that people could contribute if they wish. I'm not sure if this is even possible, but before investigating further, I thought I would ask you your opinion.
Gentle Reader,
Your parents don’t want to make their guests feel obligated, and you want to obligate their guests to pay for a cruise? Miss Manners’ opinion is that this would be an offense against your parents as well as against hospitality itself.
The idea that such a suggestion would be taken up only by those who wish to contribute is bogus. It comes across as a clear expectation.
Miss Manners realizes that such schemes for milking guests have become common, so there is undoubtedly a way to do this. But that does not make it right. What should follow your confession of not being able to afford to pay for something is a sigh of regret, not a plan to coerce someone else into picking up the bill.
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Dear Miss Manners,
What is the best way to address people who lick their fingers while eating? It is a common occurrence that I find extremely rude, especially when I’m trying to enjoy my meal.
Gentle Reader,
Don’t shake hands with them. Better yet, don’t go out to dinner with them. Unless these people happen to be your children, Miss Manners is afraid that you cannot correct their table manners, such as they are.
Judith Martin's latest book is No Vulgar Hotel: The Desire and Pursuit of Venice. She is also the author of Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior (Freshly Updated). She and her husband, a scientist and playwright, live in Washington, D.C. They have two perfect children, of course.
