Each week, Miss Manners answers questions exclusively from the MSN audience on all of your etiquette dilemmas. (Have an issue you want help with? Send in a question today or talk about your own problems on our Miss Manners message board.) Read on for this week's hot topics:
Dear Miss Manners,
What are we supposed to say when someone says thank you? I have always responded, "You're welcome." It has been brought to my attention that this is improper. In the Spanish culture, "de nada" (meaning "it was nothing") is what they say, which always bothered me, making it sound like my thank you was nothing. I have heard "my pleasure" and thank you back as responses. What do you say?
Gentle Reader,
"You're welcome." There is nothing improper about it. Miss Manners begs you not to mess with the conventions, which are indeed different in different languages but nevertheless feel right where they are used. Lately, other responses have crept in, notably "No problem" and "Thank YOU," which annoy those who then analyze them for meaning. The beauty of conventions is that you can accept them without having to think about them.
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Dear Miss Manners,
When invited to someone's home, and you are bringing a dish (appetizer/dessert, etc.) to pass during the party, should you also bring a hostess gift? Or does the dish serve as the gift as well?
Gentle Reader,
If you are bringing this at the hostess's request, you are not a real guest but a partner in putting on the dinner, and so an extra present would be superfluous. If you are bringing it because you volunteered to do so, then it is a present. If you are bringing it without the hostess's knowledge, please don't. She already has dinner prepared, so your dish is superfluous.
What Miss Manners is afraid everyone has forgotten is that bringing a present when attending a dinner is optional and does not constitute reciprocation. That still requires a letter of thanks and a return invitation.
More from MSN Lifestyle Site Search: To see additional "thank you" articles, click here.
Judith Martin's latest book is No Vulgar Hotel: The Desire and Pursuit of Venice. She is also the author ofMiss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior (Freshly Updated). She and her husband, a scientist and playwright, live in Washington, D.C. They have two perfect children, of course.
