Kathy Freston, author of The One: Finding Soul Mate Love and Making It Last shares her rules for finding true love.
There is potential for soul mate love all around us at every moment. It is a matter of recognizing the connection, sensing the "charge" of energy, and then cultivating a relationship that will take us beyond our present limitations. A soul mate brings us enormous joy and fulfillment, but even more importantly, soul mates lead us into our life's lessons. They get under our skin and push our buttons. They inspire us to look at who we are and where we need to grow.
Whether single, married, or somewhere in between, we can begin practicing masterful ways of relating with whomever stands before us, and in this way, we become better and more enlightened human beings. We can become the love we want to find; we can source it from within.
Seeing your partner through the lens of love rather than fear automatically elevates the relationship to a higher plane. When you can get quiet and note when you are projecting fear, you can make the adjustment to see through a different filter. So often we feel indignant or incensed, but upon closer inspection we will find that we are really afraid. Once we assume our partner's core goodness rather than focusing on their "guilt," they will be more free to show us their best, which accelerates the process of shifting our perspective from one of blame and anxiety to one of acceptance and peace.
Being willing to forgive yourself and your partner, and to make amends when necessary is an ongoing process of cleanup. We all make mistakes; it's human. But when we hold fast to a grudge it eats away at our sense of peace and serenity. If you aren't willing to forgive, you might ask yourself what habit of ego you're attached to. Do you want to continue life with unresolved issues hanging over you?
When we take a stand and refuse to let go of something, we can always find evidence to justify it. Or we can try to make peace. Instead of blaming or making excuses, we can clean things up and move forward. This is not an excuse for staying in a dysfunctional situation, but an opportunity to see innocence. Once we do that, we gain or give freedom to move out of a "stuck" place.
Relaxing when times get tough; assuming that "this too shall pass" allows you to roll with the punches. If you know things will inevitably arise to challenge you, you can be more detached when they do. Problems become worse when we dig in our heels and try to force a solution. By relaxing into whatever struggle arises, we remain flexible and open to inspiration and insight.
Even if you have a hard time letting go, you can at least observe yourself taking things very seriously, which in itself helps to detach you from the experience of anxiety. Whatever is happening now won't be happening a year from now, so just keep breathing through the situation and see if you can take things a little less seriously.
Seeing in the dynamic of the relationship the reflection of what you need to learn helps bring you back to what is important. Sometimes we get lost in the chatter of day-to-day patterns and lose sight of the soul's mandate to bring us closer to realizing our Oneness. The best way to see where we need to work on things is to observe who we are and what we do within the context of a relationship. Any time you recognize your impulse to create distance rather than intimacy, you can make the adjustment and get back on track.
This relationship, as with all relationships is part of a curriculum to evolve into our highest potential. We come to know ourselves by how we interact with our partner, and by so doing we come to know Spirit.
Being grateful for what you have zeros in on what is working, which in turn magnetizes more of the same. Where you put your focus is where you direct your creative intention; so if you want abundance, be grateful for the vitality you have now. If you want a soulful relationship, be grateful for the soulful moments. Gratitude is like a seed you plant; it grows more as it is watered and nourished. Show your partner what you appreciate in them and let them know that they have a positive effect in your life. The acknowledgement of good will call forth more of the same.
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