You have a great gal. So great, in fact, that she attracts packs of men who try to capture her attention or, worse, coax her out of her clothes. They could be platonic friends. Or they could be interlopers, scourges bent on emasculating and circumventing you. What to do?
"Everything starts with having ground rules, open communication, and strategies for how to proceed," says Janice Levine, Ph.D., a psychologist in Lexington, Massachusetts, and the author of Why Do Fools Fall in Love?. Either blowing your lid or turning a blind eye could create more problems than addressing the situation head-on.
The following tips will help you know if there really are signs of a cheating wife or girlfriend and stand your ground without devolving into a raging, soon-to-be-single maniac. Read on: Your love life could depend on it.
THE OVERLY INTERESTED BOSS
Worry when … she's focused on pleasing him, not doing her job.
Not when … he's a kindhearted mentor. His motives could be sincere, and if she's happy at work, she'll be happy at home, says Jeffrey Bernstein, Ph.D., a psychologist and the author of Why Can't You Read My Mind?.
Your move: Lead with concern for her, not your issues. If she thinks you have an agenda, she'll become defensive and fail to see any negatives, just to prove you wrong. Say, "It seems your boss is really helping you. How's that going?"
THE EX SHE'S STILL FRIENDS WITH
Worry when … they talk frequently and secretly. Regular contact sends up flares. Covertness fires a cannon.
Not when … she has a once-a-year, 15-minute phone call. There's a lot of history — some good.
Your move: Calmly say, "I have a problem with the relationship, because I don't understand it. Can you tell me what it does for you?" suggests Jackie Jaye Brandt, M.F.T., a psychotherapist in Universal City, California. You're not being invasive, you're just gathering information. An ultimatum leads to resentment — or abandonment. Be ready to walk out the door if she picks him.
Go on to the next page to find out how to deal with another type of ex, her personal trainer and a smitten suitor...
