It all sounds so easy: Boy meets boy (or girl meets girl), they fall in love, and live happily ever after. But anyone who’s been on the dating scene for more than a millisecond knows that it’s not that easy—not by a long shot. Finding and maintaining a successful relationship often takes a little luck, more than a little patience, and a lot of work. What else does it take for a romantic partnership to go the long haul? For the specifics, we sat down with four successful same-sex couples to explore what exactly keeps their bond strong. Feel free to take notes!
The Couples
Lisa , 38, a councilmember from Westchester, IL, and
Rebecca , 36, an occupational therapist from Valparaiso, IN; together for 10 years
Rob , 37, a publishing executive from Philadelphia, PA, and
Kevin , 36, a marketing and promotions entrepreneur from Brooklyn, NY; together for 10 years
Kereth , 32, a writer from Damascus, MD, and
Tara , 40, a high-school teacher from Silver Spring, MD; together for 12 years
Timothy , 41, a financial analyst from Potomac, MD, and
Adam , 31, an accountant from San Mateo, CA; together for 4 years
Q: What surprised you the most about being in a long-term relationship?
Lisa: We never thought that it would evolve so much over time. The couple and the individuals that we are today are vastly different than when we met more than ten years ago.
Adam: I once thought being in a long-term relationship meant a lot of sacrifice on my part with little return from my mate. With Timothy, it is a give-and-take situation. He is very giving and kind and doesn’t make a big deal out of doing things for me. We just do things for each other naturally, because we want to.
Rob: Challenges can strengthen a relationship as long as you stick together. Our fortunes have been everything from fantastic to downright terrible, but facing the tough times together has made us much closer.
Q: When did you know that your significant other was a “keeper”?
Kereth: I think it was when Tara encouraged me to go to college. Up until that time, I hadn’t really considered it a possibility. I didn’t think I could afford it, and I didn’t think I was capable. Tara convinced me otherwise. It was the first time I had someone in my corner and someone who believed in me.
Adam: Timothy took me to dinner for my birthday right before we started dating. We were very close friends at that point. My previous boyfriends had virtually ignored that day when I was with them. Timothy went so far as to surprise me by taking me to my favorite restaurant and making it a fun night. It was very special for me.
Q: What’s your secret to keeping a long-term romance fresh?
Kereth: Pay attention! It’s easy to tell when you’re falling into a rut. Just don’t let it happen. We recently instituted a weekly “date night” so that we can get out and do things. We’re both homebodies, so it’s easy to languish at home otherwise.
Timothy: It’s difficult because we fall quickly into a groove in terms of restaurants we eat at, entertainment on a Saturday night, and day-to-day life. The main way we keep things fresh is by traveling. This pulls us out of our mundane routine the most.
Adam: It’s also important to have sex regularly to keep the intimacy alive.
