Are you feeling down about being single this holiday season and wishing you could just go into suspended animation till January 1st ... or make that February 15th? You are not alone, as the song says. "Newly single daters feel down around the holidays, because everything about the holidays centers on the traditional view of family togetherness," says Leah Klungness, a psychologist in Long Island, NY, and co-author of The Complete Single Mother. "The media images of happy families gathered about the Christmas tree, parents lovingly laying out toys from Santa, couples embracing in a romantic setting — all create the impression that everyone else belongs to a loving family and are certainly half of a loving and committed couple," she says. That makes it easy for you to feel like you're the biggest exception to that on the whole planet.
But you don't have to be low during the holidays. We've come up with 10 tips for beating those blues (or at least keeping them from beating you) so you can socialize and enjoy the holidays without a spouse.
1. Make some changes. "A big life change, like suddenly finding yourself single, allows you to redefine the holidays more to your personal liking rather than constantly needing to respond to the demands of others," Klungness notes. "If you hate to bake, then why do it? Are you flooded with paperwork at your job? This might explain why you describe holiday cards as ‘another big job I need to get out of the way.'" This year, don't do anything just because you think you should. Instead, do what you truly enjoy.
2. Mix and jingle. "After I left my husband, I wasn't looking forward to the holidays," recalls Nancy Prefontaine of Scottsdale, AZ. "But another newly-single friend and I hosted a holiday mixer for all our single friends. It was fun — and there was no feeling sorry for ourselves because no couples were allowed. By the end, we were all in the holiday spirit."
3. Practice gratitude. "Make a gratitude list of all the great things that are in your life right now," notes Diana Kirschner, psychologist and love coach on the Love in 90 Days Boot Camp TV show. "Make a payback visit where you go to someone who helped you a lot and give them a thank-you gift. Research shows that these steps help create happiness."
4. Focus on family. "My wife had the kids last Christmas, so I went home to my parents and spent the week catching up with old friends and family who also were home for the holidays," says Thom Englund of Boston, MA. "It was nice to be able to focus on people I don't get to see much and re-establish relationships."
5. Do good. Volunteer during the holidays at places such as a nursing home, soup kitchen or animal shelter. "It's a great way to counterbalance any blue feelings you may have," says Steve Kemble, star of the Style Network's Whose Wedding Is It Anyway? and ABC's Extreme Makeover: Wedding Edition. "Additionally, helping others is always a wonderful way to make you feel better about yourself, while at the same time making others feel better about themselves. There is no better feeling than brightening someone else's life."
