Dear Lynn,
Help me figure this out. Over the last couple of years I have met and dated quite a few guys. They all shared a similar trait. They would ask me out for a "week date" not a "weekend date." I always thought this was very odd.
I met someone recently and, unlike with guys before, it seems to be going well so far. He calls when he says he's going to, emails daily, and always makes plans to meet up. We've met on a couple of Friday nights and a couple during the week. We had plans made a couple of times for the weekend, but they had to be rescheduled. It seems like he's more interested in getting together during the week. And, might I add that he is pretty busy. He's a really nice guy and I enjoy hanging out with him.
I think he's still getting to know me and isn't ready to devote his weekend time to me just yet. Any advice?
— Weekday Dater?
Dear Weekday Dater,
Among the first bunch of guys you describe, I don't think there was any conspiracy, or that — even now — you emit some sort of signal audible only to men that says "I am available Monday through Thursday only." I think that in those cases, you happened to date a bunch of guys who follow an old-school pattern: you have your first, or first few, dates during the week, and you work up to, say, a Saturday night. Sounds to me like, for whatever reason, that crew just didn't make it to the Saturday phase.
On to the new guy. He's a little harder to sound out, I see. Calls when he says? Check. Emails daily? Check. Comes through on (most) plans? Check. A couple of Friday dates? Good start.
But "busy" on the weekend? Every weekend? That's pushing it. Of course, it's possible that he really has had stuff every weekend — family things, religious activities, juggling several jobs/school, whatever — and that he's doing his best. Or yeah, maybe he's "working up" to it. But come on. Really, how long should that take? A weekend date is not that big a deal. Giving someone your Saturday is not exactly giving them their own drawer. Of course, there's the outside chance that he has a Weekend Girlfriend. But that's not even the main point. The main point is that no matter what, if things are really clicking, there should come a point where you are the one he cancels things for, where you want to see each other so bad you don't even look at the calendar before making plans, where you don't leave each other's side (slash, bed) … all weekend.
So let me bottom line this for you in a way that goes beyond whether you go to the movies on Tuesday vs. Saturday, or any of the possibilities floated above. That is: no one is too "busy" for a relationship that he or she really wants. At some point, this should become about love, not logistics. So if he (or whoever) is not going to make extra time — whenever! — for you, well, then, it may be time to move on. Wait for someone (he's out there!) who treats you like he's inked you in (not just penciled you in) for the rest of his life.
Lynn Harris is co-creator, with Chris Kalb, of the award-winning website BreakupGirl.net — you can visit BG's blog to discuss this letter! She is also the author of the new comic novel Death By Chick Lit. A journalist and essayist, Lynn also writes about gender, dating, and culture high and low for Salon, Glamour, The New York Times, and others. In her spare time, she enjoys being married. Submit your own dating questions for Lynn at BreakupGirl.net. Your question may be answered in a future column.
