We all have an image of the other woman in our heads: the calculating predator who moves in on happily coupled men. The cloistered, diamond-draped mistress. The office sexpot who's always just a little too close to your guy at his holiday party. She's a staple of novels, movies, tabloids, even history books—from the restless Emma in Madame Bovary to Fatal Attraction's bunny boiler to, most recently, Eliot Spitzer's hotel call girl. And if you've never seen it, go YouTube the legendary clip of Marilyn Monroe purring "Happy Birthday, Mr. President" to her rumored lover, J.F.K. That's the other woman as we usually imagine her.
For most, the idea of borrowing or stealing another woman's man is unthinkable. And that's exactly why the OW is such an object of fascination: Why does she do it? Does she want to get caught? How does it feel to be her? Full confession: I was an OW years ago, and I can tell you it felt destructive, decadent, impossible, inevitable. And it was also lonely. Every day I vowed to end the damage I was inflicting on my life, his life, her life … But then he'd pull me into bed and my good intentions would fall away as quickly as our clothes. The highs of loving someone you can never see enough of (and thus never get tired of) are downright addictive.
Why am I admitting to being a former man stealer, home wrecker, [insert unflattering noun here]? It's not something I normally broadcast. But somehow, after interviewing the women you're about to meet, my past doesn't seem so shameful. We all can learn from our mistakes. So here you go: seven true stories of heartbreak, hijinks and huge life lessons told by OWs (whose names and identifying details have been changed—you'll see why!) and the women whose relationships OWs have rattled. Decide for yourself, but I'll bet you'll find these other women aren't so "other" after all.
I was the other woman—and I got pregnant with his twins
At 25, after divorcing my husband of only a year, I met a man who made me feel alive again. Unfortunately he was married. I fought off sleeping with him for months, but eventually I did. At the time I was very thin and not having regular periods, so I was shocked to find out three months into the affair that I was pregnant—with twins, no less! What had I done?
I gave birth with a friend by my side instead of the father, who by that time wasn't part of my life. I felt greatly remorseful and believed I'd been given my due: The children were a blessing, of course, but raising them by myself sometimes felt like a punishment. I'd grown up in a Christian family, and I felt like I had a scarlet A on my chest. Maybe that's why, years later, when he called to say he'd gotten divorced, I let him back into our lives.
It was hard, but we were trying—until I found out that he was seeing someone on the side. I'd gone from being the other woman to being cheated on, just as my friends had predicted. These days, he visits our daughters, but we're over. I learned that two clichés are true: What comes around goes around, and a leopard never changes its spots. —TERRI, 35
I joined forces with his other girlfriend
The entire time I dated a guy I'll call Hef—yes, after that Hef—he insisted on keeping me a secret. He said his "crazy" ex would hunt me down if she knew anything about me. At first, I had no reason not to trust him. But before long he told me about other girls he was seeing. Why did I put up with it? I guess because it was a hard time in my life and I was down in the dumps. Besides, he assured me that I was his "alpha dog" (I know—ick). Eventually, though, I felt strong enough to tell him our relationship was over, and I moved on.
A few months later I heard that Hef had actually proposed to one of his supposed on-the-side girls. I was hurt, so I decided to reach out to his "crazy" ex to get her perspective on the situation. Turned out they'd been together the whole time we were, and he'd told her that I was the crazy one. We'd both been played. After that first meeting she and I stayed in touch, and now we're good friends. And we eagerly await the day he sees the two of us together. Hopefully at his wedding reception, which we fully intend to crash. —ESTHER, 23
I caught my boyfriend in bed with another woman
My boyfriend and I had been together seven years when I unlocked the door to his apartment with the key he had given me and saw him, a tangle of limbs with another woman! He didn't even get up; he just froze, staring at me. I stared back in shock, then left—but not before opening a drawer and taking a pair of socks and a bottle of perfume. I have no idea why!
I never spoke to my boyfriend again. I was heartbroken then, but today I can tell you that while the experience was horrible, it was also one of the best things that has ever happened to me. That *&%#! was no good, and everyone had seen it but me. Every day I thank God—and weirdly, that naked woman, whoever she was—for that moment! —JENNIFER, 29
