I was scolded by a man I'd never met. Admittedly, Doug1968 wasn't a complete stranger. We'd exchanged some introductory e-mails after he found my profile on a dating website. He was good-looking with a steady job, which in my online experience was hard to come by. I'd even spent 20 minutes Googling him. No police record. Things were looking promising. But suddenly, I found myself apologizing before we'd even spoken. Over text.
Doug1968 and I had decided to skip a phone conversation in favor of texting to arrange the details for meeting face-to-face. First mistake.
Here's my innocent text, confirming our plans:
"Hey, hope u r well. We still on for Wed?"
His text back: "Wed? I thought we had plans for Mon?"
Me: "I thought we confirmed Wednesday ..." Perhaps spelling it out would make it clear.
I got back an e-mail, in which Doug1968 explained that he had a class Wednesday night and would rather meet Monday. I had plans that night with a girlfriend who was just back from Europe. She trumped a blind date. I responded, asking if we could meet the following week.
He texted back: "No, let's meet Weds. I can skip the class."
I didn't want to begin a date with reservations, or with him being upset or resentful in some way. I called my girlfriend to explain why I had to cancel. Feeling relieved, I sent an e-mail to Doug1968 letting him know that I could do Monday after all.
The following morning, I received his texted response: "I just changed plans on somebody because of our texts yesterday and I had plans with you! I expect the same courtesy. See him Friday."
He thought I was blowing him off for another date? And he had plans with somebody? What happened to his "class"? This was definitely a hostile text.
I could feel the blood rush to my face. I was about to send a nasty text back, but then thought again. Because our communication was entirely textual, was it possible we were both misreading each other?
Instead, I wrote back: "It's one of my best girlfriends, not a guy, but I will cancel. See u Wed. Apologies."
I thought this was a civil response. I didn't want him assuming I'd blown him off for another date. Perhaps he would realize how ridiculous this whole thing was. Instead of a phone call in reply or some kinder words, I received this:
"She wins ... have fun. I'm having a hard time with this. Honestly, how many dates do you have a week? You realize you had to schedule me a week and a half out because you were booked up! Thinking online girls are spread too thin."
I decided to call him since texting was obviously messing things up. I got his voicemail after the third ring. I was pretty sure he was screening my call, so I decided to muster some degree of diplomacy and leave a pleasant message.
"Hi, I just wanted to call instead of text ..." I paused. Perhaps I was overreacting. He had a nice voice judging from his greeting. "Anyway, I canceled plans with my friends so I'm free Monday or Wednesday." God, I sounded pathetic. Was I that desperate to meet this guy? I kept going. "Sorry for the miscommunication. Let me know what you want to do."
