SCARY TRUTH 5
Little Signs "We're Not Meant to Be" Start Cropping Up
Once you're engaged, insignificant situations have a way of snowballing into major issues. The blender from him that was a testament to your margarita-making skills now seems like a domestic shackle. Your lust life tapers off for a week, and instead of thinking it's from wedding stress, you're convinced it's a forecast of boring marital sex. Habits of his that were charming and hopeful before you got engaged — such as dreamily mentioning that he'd like to open a cigar bar someday or hatching yet another wacky get-rich-quick plan — are just scary now.
"Little things take on huge meaning because your expectations have changed without your realizing it," says Atkins. Getting engaged is really the starting point for building your life together, and you start envisioning the long-term, from what kind of couple you'll be to what your life together will be like.
And while it's healthy to wonder about the future, don't overanalyze. "Reading too much into his behavior and lumping those so-called red flags together is what makes them seem so overwhelming, so take each little sign for what it really is," says Atkins. (Sometimes a blender is just a blender.) And when it comes to dealing with his out-of-left-field whims, eventually you'll learn what's legit and when he's fantasizing after a crappy day in his cubicle. You'll also feel more secure that you'll make those big decisions as a couple when the time is right.
SCARY TRUTH 6
Cash Becomes a Tricky Topic
When you're planning a wedding, you'll be faced with making major money decisions together that will reveal things you never knew about each other. You're a budget freak, and he's never balanced a checkbook. You want a big, fat wedding, but he'd rather have a big, fat house. "Everyone thinks that sex is so hard to talk about, but discussing money is more personal in a lot of ways," says Jonathan Rich, PhD, author of The Couple's Guide to Love and Money. But you have to talk Benjamins now.
The three things you need to discuss are how much the wedding will cost, who is contributing (between the two of you and both sets of parents), and how much each is putting in, says Rich. Getting those numbers in black and white will spare you the awkward, possibly ugly confrontation later, but expect to have a few disagreements. "Like most guys, he may have no clue about wedding costs, or he may have other plans for your cash," says Rich. "This is an opportunity to find out his views on money, what kind of lifestyle he envisions, and how the two of you can create a financially and emotionally stable life together."
SCARY TRUTH 7
Both of You Begin to Change
Of course marriage gives you a new outlook on life, but changes really start when you get the ring. You go from being spontaneous, self-sufficient Me to a more cautious, settled, future-oriented We overnight. It's easy to get spooked by the subtle shift in your personality, but it's really a rite of passage. "You're in the process of letting go a part of your identity as a single woman, and it's perfectly natural to be a little sad or upset when you recognize those changes," says Atkins. But the truth is, the new, almost-married you is still ... you. You're simply evolving, the same way you did at every major turn of events in your life, from losing your virginity to going to college to starting your first job. The only difference is, when you're engaged, you're not alone in the transition. "I know my fiancé is giving up some of his bachelor freedom too," says Tyler, 28. "We talk about how weird it is, but because we're both experiencing it, I don't feel like I'm losing anything. We're slowly morphing into a true couple."
BRIDE-TO-BE BONUSES
When the pre-wedding frenzy has you wigging out, look forward to this jackpot of gems.
Two words: gift registry. It's impolite to talk about it, but the idea of scoring all that loot is what gets you through those days when you want to leave your fiancé on the side of the road somewhere far, far away.
Calling him "my fiancé." It's much better than the ever-so-high-schoolish "my boyfriend."
Happy-couple perks. People are always giving you freebies and upgrades when they hear you're newly engaged, such as bottles of champagne and free dessert at restaurants.
Shacking up. Parents who kept you strictly separated for overnighters at home tend to loosen up and let the lovebirds share a room.
Family heirlooms. Grandma's pricey jewels and other sentimental stuff that's handed down through the family gets passed to you at wedding time. And some of it's actually good.
Honeymoon planning. Think warm beaches, exotic cuisine, and having mucho, mucho "alone time".
*Names have been changed.
